


Overwatch story generator

by ShipperTrash08



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, Crack and Angst, Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:01:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 4,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26027656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShipperTrash08/pseuds/ShipperTrash08
Summary: This was made by a story generator.I'm sorry.
Relationships: Jesse McCree/Hanzo Shimada, Lena "Tracer" Oxton/Widowmaker | Amélie Lacroix, Lúcio Correia dos Santos/Hana "D.Va" Song, Moira O'Deorain/Angela "Mercy" Ziegler, Reaper | Gabriel Reyes/Soldier: 76 | Jack Morrison
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	1. symmetra helps god

Satya Vaswani was thinking about Sombra again. Sombra was a sweet devil with big boobed hair and tall eyes.

Satya walked over to the window and reflected on her smelly surroundings. She had always hated stinky behind a dumpster with its tame, troubled trash. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel disgusted.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a sweet figure of Sombra .

Satya gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a guarded, carefree, oolong tea drinker with dark hair and half-bald eyes. Her friends saw her as an ice-dancing, ill ice queen. Once, she had even helped a squashed God himself cross the road.

But not even a guarded person who had once helped a squashed God himself cross the road, was prepared for what Sombra had in store today.

The cloud teased like running cats, making Satya surprised. Satya grabbed a secret hard light that had been strewn nearby; she massaged it with her fingers.

As Satya stepped outside and Sombra came closer, she could see the green glint in her eye.

Sombra gazed with the affection of 3702 pun-loving powerless people. She said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want data."

Satya looked back, even more surprised and still fingering the secret hard light. "Sombra, you again," she replied.

They looked at each other with grumpy feelings, like two relieved, resonant rabbits slapping at a very mischevious accident, which had classical music playing in the background and two prankster uncles fighting to the beat.

Satya studied Sombra's big boobed hair and tall eyes. Eventually, she took a deep breath. "I'm sorry," began Satya in apologetic tones, "but I don't feel the same way, and I never will. I just don't love you Sombra."

Sombra looked flirtatious, her emotions raw like a smoked, strange strap on.

Satya could actually hear Sombra's emotions shatter into 1628 pieces. Then the sweet devil hurried away into the distance.

Not even a drink of oolong tea would calm Satya's nerves tonight.


	2. tracer's mom tries to sniff her

Lena Oxton suspected something was a little off when her spiteful mother tried to sniff her when she was just six years old. Nevertheless, she lived a relatively normal life among other humans.

It wasn't until she bumped into the devilishly lovable alien, Widowmaker Bloggs, that her life finally began to make sense.

However, Widowmaker proved to be funny and seemed to have an unhealthy obsession with sleeping. Lena soon learnt that Widowmaker had taken an oath never to bite a human being.

When Lena's spiteful mother is injured in a skating accident, Lena realises her own life is at risk.

Despite Widowmaker's giant feet and murderous tendencies, Lena finds herself falling for the alien. Only fate will decided whether she kills or protects her.

One night, a vampire appears before Lena and warns her of a darkness within Widowmaker. The vampire gives Lena the cursed paperweight - the only weapon that can defeat a lovable alien.

Will Lena find it in herself to kill the only creature who has ever made her feel truly confused? (Hint: yes!)


	3. reaper becomes a psychiatrist

Soldier 76 is a delightful swordsman from derelict the hood. He leads an idyllic life. However, all that changes when Soldier books a summer holiday to old-fashioned Berlin.

At first Soldier finds Berlin very urban. Then there's the mysterious, funny psychiatrist, Reaper , who makes him feel afraid.

When Reaper invites him on a skipping expedition, Soldier begins to realise that Reaper is a deeply patient and daring man.

Soldier knows in his heart that Reaper is the man for him. However, to secure his happiness, Soldier must fend off the lovable cleaner, Jack Morrison, who wants to get her claws into Reaper.

Using her scary toast and a mutual love of life, Soldier sets out to snare Reaper once and for all. But will the funny swordsman return his affections?


	4. someone tries to kill Mercy

Angela Bloggs is a hairy, pale and splendid housekeeper from the country. Her life is going nowhere until she meets Moira , a podgy, slim woman with a passion for love.

Angela takes an instant disliking to Moira and the selfish and stupid ways she learnt during her years in Europe.

However, when a hooligan tries to kill Angela, Moira springs to the rescue. Angela begins to notices that Moira is actually rather adorable at heart.

But, the pressures of Moira's job as a cleaner leave her blind to Angela's affections and Angela takes up knitting to try an distract herself.

Finally, when malicious nurse, Genji Shimada, threatens to come between them, Moira has to act fast. But will they ever find the hot love that they deserve?


	5. lucio gets drunk

Hana Song is a modest and popular orphan raised by a malicious and smelly matron. Eventually she gets a job working as a computer programmer for the brave Lord Lucio of Lucio Mill. The unlikely couple rapidly succumb to a incredible passion.

On the day of their wedding, a vile nun escapes from the attic of Lucio Mill and starts a fire. Believing that Lord Lucio is dead, Hana flees from the church and wanders the freezing moors for days until she is rescued by a splendid nurse.

However, although Lord Lucio is blinded by the fire, he still breathes. Without Hana he becomes smelly and deranged. He turns to alcohol for comfort. The ghost of the nun from the attic haunts him.

Meanwhile, thinking Lord Lucio is dead, Hana accepts a marriage proposal from her saviour, the nurse. However, one night she believes she can hear Lord Lucio calling, "Hana, where are you? Hana come home!" and she returns to Lucio Mill.

On Hana's return, she finds Lord Lucio drunk and without sight. Mistaking her for the ghost of the vile nun, he attacks her with a blade and Hana Song dies.

As he attends to the body, Lord Lucio realises what he has done. Driven mad with guilt, he hatches a plan to destroy the next generation, but there is no next generation and he dies of consumption two weeks later.


	6. ana injures her eyebrow

An alien invasion has destroyed the world as we know it.

The year is 2030. Africa is a devastated place ruled by merpeople. Once glorious, Stonehenge is now iced over.

Daring shopkeeper, Ana Amari is humanity's only hope. Ana finds the courage to start a secret revolutionary organization called The Republic.

The fight is jeopardised when Ana is tricked by malicious doctor, Widow maker, and injures her eyebrow.

Armed with swords and space rockets, The Republic try their best to save mankind, but can they defeat tactless merpeople and restore Stonehenge to its former glory?


	7. ashe introduces mcree to hard vaseline

The dirty, Cornish town of Chicago holds a secret.

Jesse McCree has the perfect life working as a swordsman in the city and jumping with his helpful boyfriend, Hanzo Shimada.

However, when he finds a squidgy torch in his cellar, he begins to realise that things are not quite as they seem in the McCree family.

A birthday party leaves Jesse with some startling questions about his past, and he sets off to picturesque Chicago to find some answers.

At first the people of Chicago are adorable and loving. He is intrigued by the curiously witty housekeeper, Ashe . However, after she introduces him to hard Vaseline, Jesse slowly finds himself drawn into a web of burglary, robbery and perhaps, even mutilation.

Can Jesse resist the charms of Ashe and uncover the secret of the squidgy torch before it's too late, or will his demise become yet another Chicago legend?


	8. brigitte battles lady gaga

Brigitte is a navigator from Berlin who goes on a quest to find a minuscule single, but first must overcome a rabbit version of Lady Gaga. Brigitte teams up with a superhero called Lndholm-Man, whose special power is extreme walking.


	9. ashe eats blood

Once upon a time there was a pointy girl called Ashe . She was on the way to see her ex Jesse McCree, when she decided to take a short cut through Deadlock Gorge.

It wasn't long before Ashe got lost. She looked around, but all she could see were trees. Nervously, she felt into her bag for her favourite toy, motorcycle, but motorcycle was nowhere to be found! Ashe began to panic. She felt sure she had packed motorcycle. To make matters worse, she was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, she saw an over-compensating Shimada dressed in a purple skirt disappearing into the trees.

"How odd!" thought Ashe.

For the want of anything better to do, she decided to follow the peculiarly dressed Shimada. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, Ashe reached a clearing. In the clearing were three houses, one made from dried blood, one made from bullets and one made from guns.

Ashe could feel her tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease her hunger.

"Hello!" she called. "Is anybody there?"

Nobody replied.

Ashe looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving Ashe a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was motorcycle!

"motorcycle!" shouted Ashe. She turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"

The witch just shrugged.

"Give motorcycle back!" cried Ashe.

"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.

"At least let motorcycle out of that cage!"

Before she could reply, two over-compensating Shimadas rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Ashe recognised the one in the purple skirt that she'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.

"Hello Big Shimada," said the witch.

"Good morning." The Shimada noticed motorcycle. "Who is this?"

"That's motorcycle," explained the witch.

"Ooh! motorcycle would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the Shimada.

The witch shook her head. "motorcycle is staying with me."

"Um... Excuse me..." Ashe interrupted. "motorcycle lives with me! And not in a cage!"

Big Shimada ignored her. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."

Big Shimada looked at the house made from guns and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from guns if I wanted to."

"That's nothing," said the next Shimada. "I could eat two houses."

"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have motorcycle."

Ashe watched, feeling very worried. She didn't want the witch to give motorcycle to Big Shimada. She didn't think motorcycle would like living with an over-compensating Shimada, away from her house and all her other toys.

The other one Shimadas watched while Big Shimada put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Shimada. "Just you watch!"

Big Shimada pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from bullets. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

Eventually, Big Shimada started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of bullets, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.

"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Shimada.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!

"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big Shimada never finished eating the front door made from bullets and motorcycle remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Average Shimada stepped up, and approached the house made from guns.  
"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Shimada. "Just you watch!"

Average Shimada pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from guns. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

And more.

And more.

After a while, Average Shimada started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...

...and greener.

A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.

"I'm not a bush, I'm a Shimada!" said Average Shimada.

"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."

"No! Wait!" cried Average Shimada, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the Shimada away under his arm.

Average Shimada never finished eating the front door made from guns and motorcycle remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep motorcycle."

"Not so fast," said Ashe. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from dried blood. And I haven't had a turn yet.

"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."

The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give her a chance. It's only fair."

"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the Shimadas. She won't last long."

"I'll be right back," said Ashe.

"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted motorcycle back."

Ashe ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. She came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, she broke off a piece of the door of the house made from dried blood and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, she took a bite. She quickly devoured the whole piece.

Ashe sat down on a nearby log.

"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."

"I haven't finished," explained Ashe. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."

When Ashe's food had digested, she broke off another piece of the door made from dried blood. Once more, she toasted her food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. She ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, Ashe was down to the final piece of the door made from dried blood. Carefully, she toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. She finished her final course. Ashe had eaten the entire front door of the house made from dried blood.

The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"

"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little girl won fair and square. Now hand over motorcycle or I will chop your broomstick in half."

The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.

Ashe hurried over and grabbed motorcycle, checking that her favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, motorcycle was unharmed.

Ashe thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Jesse. It was starting to get dark.

When Ashe got to Jesse's house, her ex threw his arms around her.

"I was so worried!" cried Jesse. "You are very late."

As Ashe described her day, she could tell that Jesse didn't believe her. So she grabbed a napkin from her pocket.

"What's that?" asked Jesse.

Ashe unwrapped a doorknob made from bullets. "Pudding!" she said.

Jesse almost fell off his chair.

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> over-compensated for what?  
> hmmm


	10. doomfist prods old ladies

Understanding nurse MISS PHARAH AMARI is arguing with brave computer programmer MISS ANGELA ZEIGLER. PHARAH tries to hug ANGELA but she shakes her off.

PHARAH  
Please Angela, don't leave me.  
ANGELA  
I'm sorry Pharah, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away.  
PHARAH  
I am such a person!  
ANGELA frowns.

ANGELA  
I'm sorry, Pharah. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.  
ANGELA leaves.

PHARAH sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, delightful scout MRS ANA AMARI barges in looking flustered.

PHARAH  
Goodness, Ana! Is everything okay?  
ANA  
I'm afraid not.  
PHARAH  
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...  
ANA  
It's ... a mugger ... I saw an evil mugger prod a bunch of elderly ladies!  
PHARAH  
Defenseless elderly ladies?  
ANA  
Yes, defenseless elderly ladies!  
PHARAH  
Bloomin' heck, Ana! We've got to do something.  
ANA  
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.  
PHARAH  
You can start by telling me where this happened.  
ANA  
I was...  
ANA fans herself and begins to wheeze.

PHARAH  
Focus Ana, focus! Where did it happen?  
ANA  
Sydney Opera House! That's right - Sydney Opera House!  
PHARAH springs up and begins to run.

EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

PHARAH rushes along the street, followed by ANA. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

INT. SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE - SHORTLY AFTER

DOOM FIST a creepy mugger terrorises two elderly ladies.

PHARAH, closely followed by ANA, rushes towards DOOM, but suddenly stops in her tracks.

ANA  
What is is? What's the matter?  
PHARAH  
That's not just any old mugger, that's Doom fist!  
ANA  
Who's Doom fist?  
PHARAH  
Who's Doom fist? Who's Doom fist? Only the most creepy mugger in the universe!  
ANA  
Blinkin' knickers, Pharah! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most creepy mugger in the universe!  
PHARAH  
You can say that again.  
ANA  
Blinkin' knickers, Pharah! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most creepy mugger in the universe!  
PHARAH  
I'm going to need razors, lots of razors.  
Doom turns and sees Pharah and Ana. He grins an evil grin.

DOOM  
Pharah Amari, we meet again.  
ANA  
You've met?  
PHARAH  
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young PHARAH is sitting in a park listening to some reggae music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.

She looks up and sees DOOM. She takes off her headphones.

DOOM  
Would you like some fruit gums?  
PHARAH's eyes light up, but then he studies DOOM more closely, and looks uneasy.

PHARAH  
I don't know, you look kind of creepy.  
DOOM  
Me? No. I'm not creepy. I'm the least creepy mugger in the world.  
PHARAH  
Wait, you're a mugger?  
PHARAH runs away, screaming.

INT. SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE - PRESENT DAY

DOOM  
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.  
ANA  
(To PHARAH) You ran away?  
PHARAH  
(To ANA) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?  
PHARAH turns to DOOM.

PHARAH  
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!  
PHARAH runs away.

She turns back and shouts.

PHARAH  
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with razors.  
DOOM  
I'm not scared of you.  
PHARAH  
You should be.

INT. A LIBRARY - LATER THAT DAY

PHARAH and ANA walk around searching for something.

PHARAH  
I feel sure I left my razors somewhere around here.  
ANA  
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly razors.  
PHARAH  
You know nothing Ana Amari.  
ANA  
We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here.  
Suddenly, DOOM appears, holding a pair of razors.

DOOM  
Looking for something?  
ANA  
Crikey, Pharah, he's got your razors.  
PHARAH  
Tell me something I don't already know!  
ANA  
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.  
PHARAH  
I know that already!  
ANA  
I pickle my earwax and keep it in a jar under my bed.  
DOOM  
(appalled) Dude!  
While DOOM is looking at ANA with disgust, PHARAH lunges forward and grabs her deadly razors. He wields them, triumphantly.

PHARAH  
Prepare to die, you creepy aubergine!  
DOOM  
No please! All I did was prod a bunch of elderly ladies!  
ANGELA enters, unseen by any of the others.

PHARAH  
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those elderly ladies were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Pharah Amari defender of innocent elderly ladies.  
DOOM  
Don't hurt me! Please!  
PHARAH  
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these razors on you right away!  
DOOM  
Because Pharah, I am your father.  
PHARAH looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.

PHARAH  
No you're not!  
DOOM  
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.  
DOOM tries to grab the razors but PHARAH dodges out of the way.

PHARAH  
Who's the daddy now? Huh? Huh?  
Unexpectedly, DOOM slumps to the ground.

ANA  
Did he just faint?  
PHARAH  
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly razors.  
PHARAH crouches over DOOM's body.

ANA  
Be careful, Pharah. It could be a trick.  
PHARAH  
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Doom fist is dead!  
PHARAH  
What?  
PHARAH  
Yes, it appears that I scared him to death.  
ANA claps her hands.

ANA  
So your razors did save the day, after all.  
ANGELA steps forward.

ANGELA  
Is it true? Did you kill the creepy mugger?  
PHARAH  
Angela how long have you been...?  
ANGELA puts her arm around PHARAH.

ANGELA  
Long enough.  
PHARAH  
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Doom fist.  
ANGELA  
Then the elderly ladies are safe?  
PHARAH  
It does seem that way!  
A crowd of vulnerable elderly ladies enter, looking relived.

ANGELA  
You are their hero.  
The elderly ladies bow to PHARAH.

PHARAH  
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Doom fist will never prod elderly ladies ever again, is enough for me.  
ANGELA  
You are humble as well as brave!  
One of the elderly ladies passes PHARAH a healing talisman

ANGELA  
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.  
PHARAH  
I couldn't possibly.  
Pause.

PHARAH  
Well, if you insist.  
PHARAH takes the talisman.

PHARAH  
Thank you.  
The elderly ladies bow their heads once more, and leave.

PHARAH turns to ANGELA.

PHARAH  
Does this mean you want me back?  
ANGELA  
Oh, Pharah, of course I want you back!  
PHARAH smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

PHARAH  
Well you can't have me.  
ANGELA  
WHAT?  
PHARAH  
You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a mugger to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.  
ANGELA  
But...  
PHARAH  
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Ana.  
ANA grins.

ANGELA  
But...  
ANA  
You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!  
ANGELA  
Pharah?  
PHARAH  
I'm sorry Angela, but I think you should skidaddle.  
ANGELA leaves.

ANA turns to PHARAH.

ANA  
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend?  
PHARAH  
Of course you are!  
The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly ANA stops.

ANA  
When I said I pickle my earwax and keep it in a jar under my bed, you know I was just trying to distract the mugger don't you?  
THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a question...  
> Do you want more chapters of this?


	11. efi drinks beer

Efi was thinking about Orisa again. Orisa was an incredible god with wobbly legs and short ankles.

Efi walked over to the window and reflected on her crowded surroundings. She had always loved picturesque Camborne with its uninterested, uneven umbrellas. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel sparkly.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the an incredible figure of Orisa .

Efi gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a lovable, cowardly, beer drinker with skinny legs and grubby ankles. Her friends saw her as a curved, cruel coward. Once, she had even brought a lively owl back from the brink of death.

But not even a lovable person who had once brought a lively owl back from the brink of death, was prepared for what Orisa had in store today.

The wind blew like smiling kittens, making Efi active. Efi grabbed a ribbed newspaper that had been strewn nearby; she massaged it with her fingers.

As Efi stepped outside and Orisa came closer, she could see the outrageous glint in her eye.

"I am here because I want love," Orisa bellowed, in a friendly tone. She slammed her fist against Efi's chest, with the force of 6394 dogs. "I frigging love you, Efi ."

Efi looked back, even more active and still fingering the ribbed newspaper. "Orisa, let's move in together," she replied.

They looked at each other with sleepy feelings, like two blue, black badgers walking at a very remarkable bar mitzvah, which had orchestral music playing in the background and two adorable uncles singing to the beat.

Suddenly, Orisa lunged forward and tried to punch Efi in the face. Quickly, Efi grabbed the ribbed newspaper and brought it down on Orisa's skull.

Orisa's wobbly legs trembled and her short ankles wobbled. She looked relaxed, her body raw like a naughty, nice newspaper.

Then she let out an agonising groan and collapsed onto the ground. Moments later Orisa was dead.

Efi went back inside and made herself a nice drink of beer.


	12. genji is a squirrel

Zenyatta was thinking about Genji Shimada again. Genji was a wild animal with fluffy arms and squat feet.

Zenyatta walked over to the window and reflected on his old-fashioned surroundings. He had always loved grand Camborne with its unknown, upset umbrellas. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel healthy.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a wild figure of Genji Shimada.

Zenyatta gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was an adorable, special, wine drinker with pretty arms and sticky feet. His friends saw him as a vague, vivacious volcano. Once, he had even jumped into a river and saved a beautiful kitten.

But not even an adorable person who had once jumped into a river and saved a beautiful kitten, was prepared for what Genji had in store today.

The drizzle rained like walking dogs, making Zenyatta angry. Zenyatta grabbed a ripped blade that had been strewn nearby; he massaged it with his fingers.

As Zenyatta stepped outside and Genji came closer, he could see the broken glint in his eye.

"Look Zenyatta," growled Genji, with a hilarious glare that reminded Zenyatta of wild maggots. "It's not that I don't love you, but I want a phone number. You owe me 26 gold pieces."

Zenyatta looked back, even more angry and still fingering the ripped blade. "Genji, let's move in together," he replied.

They looked at each other with afraid feelings, like two brief, bad badgers dancing at a very helpful holiday, which had classical music playing in the background and two tight-fisted uncles hopping to the beat.

Zenyatta regarded Genji's fluffy arms and squat feet. "I don't have the funds ..." he lied.

Genji glared. "Do you want me to shove that ripped blade where the sun don't shine?"

Zenyatta promptly remembered his adorable and special values. "Actually, I do have the funds," he admitted. He reached into his pockets. "Here's what I owe you."

Genji looked healthy, his wallet blushing like a panicky, pickled piano.

Then Genji came inside for a nice glass of wine.

THE END


	13. mcree likes eyebrows

"I'm going to need backward aardvarks, big, backward aardvarks."

It was a time of terror. Malicious ghosts would exterminate each other in the street.

Only one man knows how to stop the terror. One caring, intuitive man - Jesse McCree.

Jesse is a 36-year-old police officer from Sludgeside with a thirst for eyebrows.

He knows that to stop the malicious ghosts from continuing their dastardly deeds, he must betray his adorable father, Hanzo Shimada.

He gives up his quiet life and travels to Los Angeles where he attends an important rave and acquires some backward aardvarks.

However, when Hanzo calls, begging him to come home, Jesse is forced to decide what is more important: stopping the malicious ghosts that exterminate each other, or preserving his relationship with his father?


End file.
